It’s 5:36 am, and with all due respect I am awake like a vampire.
Have I been sleeping off, well rather – having my sleeping routine off? Yes. The answer is yes.
Quite fascinated with the new visual ehm, special effects (?) that I’m getting. Like, I do realise that’s either the peripheral vision playing tricks, or I’m seeing some stuff because I’m partially asleep, or maybe I’m just that good at seeing stuff in general. But after shadows, cats, beings, whatnot – light orbs and light flickers surely seem absolutely adorable. Blinding though, but fairly adorable.
I am really getting out in the wild with my reading here. Got myself a book by Pamela Ball “Natural Magic” and “The Kyballion Hermetic Philosophy” by the Three Initiates.
In whole honesty – just getting more information and learning of the new and old ways.
Got to overhear some things over the live streams on TikTok, which got me thinking that what I’ve heard might be pretty right. A great food for thought regarding how one can change.
It’s just that over the past some time I have stumbled across the similar wording of things. “What’s within, so without”, “Your imagination is your reality creation”, etc… And that’s all there, though one thing that I came by to hear, that got me al “oooh, that’s true tho” – was the words I’ve heard by this one creator.
“We’re affected by our expectations, fear and anxiety”. So as we expect something shady, bad and shitty go down – we keep looking for that, which will verify our fears about it.
Seems simple to digest, huh?
But then again – practise what you preach.
Did we not have the expectations on how things/events must turn out? How that’s what is supposed to go down? How things might or might not work our way? Yeah, like – worrying that we won’t make that bus, or some drunkard will be getting on our case on the street? Yeah – guess what – that’s also expectation. And what happens when you get to miss the bus, to get that drunkard on your case? You’re somehow internally going “AAAA! I KNEW IT!” and it sort of makes you happy, but sad, but angry. “BUT I WAS RIGHT THO!” aha, that’s the wholesome expectation.
So in essence – you waisted your energetic potential on this expectation, therefore you attracted it. Why? Coz all is energy and you can get whatever you vibe with.
Then the whole energy thing – from being on the same level of vibrations of the things, events, stuff that we want – but does it feel like it’s yours? Does it feel like you already have it?
Have we not come across the words “What would you feel when you have it?” and the “That’s what you have to feel to have it”. Similar, huh?
So, with the first – is a question – you don’t know how that’s going to make you feel, but you yearn for it.
The other already acknowledges that you know and feel like you feel – and that other thing is an add-on to whatever you’re up to. But you vibe with it.
“Don’t come from the energy of lack” they say… When one struggles the heck out – that’s not so easy to do. Reprogramming own brain to let go of things which it never in life of braining let go of? You mad, bruh? It takes good few months to good few years to rewire.
How?
Well, the need of security is one of the main ones. Besides all the bases of the Maslows Pyramid. That’s like – place to sleep, food, being able to not feel fear, being supported, etc… You know. And then eventually when all the conditions are met – you get to the point of mind being able to venture out of comfort zone, for it is comfortable being uncomfortable. AS brain, just like body, will feel safe and courageous, supported, to venture outside of own ideals/prejudices/habits/thought patterns/issues/etc.
Thus – takes time.
Meditation – taking time to sit still is one thing. Now shutting off brain is not necessarily way about it – learning to let go of thoughts, without being hell bent on the whole lot of what’s up – that’s a skill.
Being able to focus on a sound/thing during meditation – cool, now use that when you have a con versation with a person – focus on them with same effort. Actually listen. Mad skills bruh.
Though in some cases – mirroring back to people gives them more idea of what they’re doing. *eye roll* yeah.
contd. 24.oct 01:14 am
Am I choosing violence? Naah. Am I tho? Naah… But with roughly 4 hrs of sleep in 2.5 days? Hmm… I’m wondering what “normal” is.
Got to sort out some of them things I wished to – which is splendid. Studied, read a book, visited appointment, made an appointment. So I am really appreciating how it’s going.
But I am bloody tired.
One idea is not letting me go – I began thinking about hair extensions. Yeah. I mean – I know that some girls pull off them smexy dredlocks, some others have the braids, I just wanna see what it’d be like with me and extensions. Like, my hair over the years became thin… And I have been like – conjuring up the will for them to grow more. Oh the growth takes a bit. But it’s there. Anywho, I wonder about extensions coz that’s the cool stuff I wanna do. Even though I am fairly sure that costs.
Eh, got myself a few things from thrift store. Like, a 6 euro haul of 2 hella good coats that are made in Switzerland? Hun, that’s like really woolly wool and the trenches look really well with their pattern cut. Like, damn. The more time passes, the more I am going into the witchy-Victorian vibe being with a modern twist. NGL – I enjoy it.
So, Yet to tackle the jolly thing of sorting out the outline, worldbuilding and the little bits for the “Charm” story that’s plotting/brewing in my writers cauldron, besides the “13 Kingmakers” and a few others.
Am I the drama? Am I the villain? Maybe. Maybe I am. But to myself – a great magician with spellwork that’s really worth it’s cauldron.
Side note – recovering kakaotalk, naver and a few others – was a short but funny journey. Which got me to rummage on the places that are more korean content based. But my writing is out there on those platforms as well now. Mwahaha. Spreading out like a good nutella on a toast.
I should seriously just get on with sleep, before I am once more engulfed in the warm and charming whirpool that makes me stay awake until 6-7am, with no actual adequate idea to why.
And what the heck are with dreams lately? Even witchtok and some juju tok is not sure either, but eclipses are all the rage with how we’re in Scorpio season… Oh shit, my birthday is approaching… Getting older, wiser, smarter, bolder and oh so charming with just being me.
Why am I so eager to write out the bits for “Charm”?
Oh – because that’s a story with multiple crazy institutions, religions, cults and believes that are sort of – all in their own sandbox, but kind of every now and again going on slaying the f out of each other for fun.
But war is bad, Ana… That’s why it’s a place divided between multiple kings/queens of same family, same descend. Are they coo-coo in the head? Oh, that’s the blood relatives trait. That’s their whole thing. Yas.
Am I heavily in love with this plotting – Oh I am. Oh so much. Oh you have no idea.
See ya back in… When I see ya.
Hugs & Kisses, don’t be too naughty. Samhain is close. Mwahaha. ❤
ArcDreamer 
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