Meeting took place in a cafe near the city center, we got a coffee and thought about next steps.
“I propose we go get that ready meal or something from the shop, some drinks and we can go to the sea side.” – She proposed. I agreed with a nod.
The shop was not busy, so we managed to grab our selection of food and drinks. Frankly it were a few ready salads, bread, some snacks, a few non-alcoholic beers, threw that into our tote bags and slowly headed to the sea side beach.
Walk was pretty quiet, as I was quite tired from my journey back. So she gave me all the time in the world to get my senses back together. And bit by bit we reached the sea.
Managng to secure a place on the spikey grass, with odd kind of wooden sticks around, so that we’s have a make shift seating – we finally sat down.
Opened the containers of food, ate slowly, as we watched the sea. Waves came and went, the sound was particularly charming.
As I finished my food, I’ve cracked open the non-alc beer.
I let out a deep sigh.
“And here she begins.” – She let out with mouth half stuffed with snacks.
“Well, it all began quite frankly with a bit of desperation.” – I looked up, then at her. – “A bit was to put it simply. A lot was to admit my defeat. Though that was exactly what was propelling me to go along with all that, thinking that it’s a good getaway, a good experience. And it was quite the lesson, to be honest.”
She gave me a nod, letting me know she was all ears.
“So I broke my leg, as I went to work to this one educational establishment. That in itself got me to experience a lot of events at a speed of roller coaster. From broken foot, to hospital mistreatment, to being fired the moment I got out of my sick leave. And all that was within a span of 4 months. It was absolutely ridiculous. Even my doctor mistreated me, as well as excreted a level of such unprofessional approach to be bold and daring enough to call me ‘monkey’ over the phone. Insulting as hell.”
“So with that I was back and forth in between the own mental growth and experimentation. Just endless walks in the nature, endless self-digging practises, the ensless self-exploration and sadow work with no end.”
“But I did disect myself through and through. Healed a lot, changed a lot. Bit by bit the new stage of life came about – the need to go out and see, withness the world. That’s when a friend of mine approached me with proposal of coming over to next country over the border visiting him.”
She gave me a nod again acknowledging me and what I was saying. Giving me space to express myself.
“So with him saying that, with all the ‘free bed, free stay, pay for own food’ – I went along, thinking that it’s not such a bad deal. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.” – I gestured with hands, as I held my beer.
The sense of tiredness, was permanating the self oozing out to maybe a little exaggerate what it was like. She giggled a bit, as she got own drink out and cracked that open, as she kept munching on jelly bears.
“Ominous. Uuu…” – She said with a smile.
“Yeah.” – I grimaced. – “From that moment on – it was the little things of getting myself in the busses, spending hours upon hours in said buses, with eventually reaching a capital city of nearby country.”
“Horay!” – She exclaimed. We giggled.
“And I was really happy to see my friend whom I have not seen for a while. It was pretty nice to see him, but somehow something was energetically feeling off. It’s like he was in a perpetual rush. Started from him saying that he got out from work to get me, but he needed to rush back into the office. Then he managed to drop me off home, but stay with me a little so that I’d look around, yet a bit later he’s all like ‘I gotta go’ and dashing out. He did leave keys to me from the house, saying that he lost the other set and that’s the only set. I did promise to make a copy of the keys though. On the same day – which did not happen, as I was too preoccupied with issue of no internet at home and trying to find food.” – I let on.
She raised her eyebrows, looking quite concerned, then her eyebrows furrowed.
“So from then on it was day two of me there, as I slept in. But I was staying in the sitting room, as there’s couch and I brought blankets and pillow with plushie, so that was the best spot for me to sleep in. He did show me another room – but it was absolutely empty from all. Nothing was there. Not a thing. So of course I did not stay there and was now occupying the couch. But day two rolled in with surprise. I woke up feeling sick as heck, like I had been alcohol poisoned. But I had no alcohol what so ever. So how the fuck? That wondering did not help much, as I was puking my guts out in the kitchen sink, thank fuck it’s just actoss the room, within same space as the couch. But I felt shit the whole day, puking, drinking water, praying that I don’t fucking die. And I survived, only to understand one teeny thing – I had a heat stroke.” – I looked at my friend with that ‘fed-up’ eyes look. She was surprised as heck.
“Yep. Heat stroke. I wondered why. So the answer came in the next morning, when the sun shone inside so bad, that it started to boil me there… I noticed elephant in the room – there were no curtains. So I sort of asked my friend to maybe get curtains? To which he replied with ‘I am not even there that much. If I’d get anything it would be black-out things there, why would I get curtains? It’s not my problem. It’s your problem.’And that put me in a position of great fucking frustration. So me, a guest, got sick in Your home, was one to medicate and take care of self, whilst you did not help or do shit about it, and when I sort out why and ask for help with the cause – you tell me to fuck off and sort it on my own. Fantastic.” – I roll my eyes.
“He’s a dick. A grade level douche bag. Like what the heck is his problem?” – She grumbles in disgust, close to throw hands or rip eyes out, if she’d have the chance.
“Yeah. But I’m a peace keeping person. So I go out, I get that damn key set, I get the curtains. What else? I also get a sim card with month of limitless internet, as there’s no fucking internet otherwise. All the while he’s like ‘Oh, you got the sim? Let’s put it in my phone then’ . Oh baby girl no. No it’s in my phone, as I need internet as well. You get your own one. And that’s not the end of it. Yes, he got me to visit his job. Which was by opportune moment in need of workers, so I applied. And truly he was like ‘Oh but you could have been a model here.’ No babe, I would not. Not my cup of tea and I’ve told you many times but you don’t listen to shit I say. So eventually there’s a scheduling for the camera human position and I apply and I go.” – I rant out.
She just shakes her head a few times, then she makes sure to grab hold of self and keep listening to me.
“So with that work… The thing is, it’s not too far off of being a mix of Pornhub and camgirl stuff. It’s a place with 24/7 camera streaming service for voyeurs, so models eat, drink, sleep, wash and talk, perform all on camera all the time every day all the day. Thank fuck there’s a few areas with no cameras – toilets and smoking area. At least they hide out in there to have some alone time. But that still is so inhumane. Toilet and smoking area to escape the gaze of viewers, of people. That’s so psychologically taxing. I could only imagine the hardships of what they feel like.” – I waved hand around, then shook head and put my hands on my head.
“Imagine, you’re watched all the damn time. All sort of angles. All you do online can be sort of seen by someone somehow as you scroll social media, or like, watch shit on laptop… Like, there’s angles to hide away, but you do forget them from time to time, it’s not like you can keep it up all the damn time. And these models would at times live there for 6 months in a row. Of course they’d be absolutely unmotivated and burned out at some damn point. Geez.. But yeah, I wondered a lot about the strain it takes and how they cope, but due to policies and whatnot – I could not really have that many encounters to have conversation with them.” – I shrugged.
“I mean – it would fuck me up to know I’m watched all the time. Like, hello psychopathy. I would be convinced I have stalkers and whatnot.” – She let out a sigh, shaking head. – “I’d be a wussie about that. Those models got serious balls for staying there.”
…to be continued…
ArcDreamer 
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