Must say – this eclipse season be wilding.
First of – the damn whole thing about travel:
I was so fucking sure that all is going to be fantastic, all so cool and such a road trip journey.
At some point I even was ready to sleep in a car, as it’s all sorted and cozy, but then oh well, the whole of it decided otherwise, or on it’s own thing. And all the stuff from my car was stolen. Like – why would someone need that many clothes, cards and witchy equipment with whatnots.. . Hope the items became cursed and possession of those will bring some great tower moments to people, to change their lives for a more spiritually better option.
Anywhore… Right now the greatest idea that’s flooding the cavities of mind – is the damn thing about: “Where to next?”
Pero why? Coz the idea was to see my cousin in the Bern, Switzerland, then off to UK, but like, at the same time I did not fancy idea of going to UK. SO here we are – not much shit left, all will fir into one fine sized backpack, hand carry luggage and can piss off to anywhere in the world.
I truly hope that the reimbursement by the energies of universe will give me at least the win of the goddamn lottery of sorts.
Update roughly on the day after:
Aparently my friend, well, I always refferred to him as my acquaintance, rather than friend. So, well, he died last night. The eclipse moon took him, or might it be that he rather left with a Vampiric Drama level Moon Setting.
Kind of had my cry for a moment there, to be like : “Yeah, did not really fancy that dude much, but he was a good guy. Hope he finds his peace, or at least learned the lessons he had to learn whilst on this earth.
That also gave me an idea about how the memories of a human, a person who we spend time with are either so well preserved, or just they become so much of a changed option of what it was over the years, that it is no longer a person you remember, or maybe that was a feeling. Or was the feeling right about it?
His gifts to me of being there for me, of helping, of being a kind heart with a very odd personality and sense of humour, with mind stuck in his 20’s perhaps, and with desire to shine, although, to no wonder – age took its course of actions. So that much is that.
It’s wild.
Recently it just seems wild. From whacking car a bit, smacking off the fucking mirror of a car, then going with it to another country, then being absolutely bonkers and just making it out and through, going to a new country, getting car fixed, then a day later – broken in and all the items stolen from it. To come back to the place where car was fixed to ask for help, to get that help, as well as potential boyfriend material, along with all that “oh god he’s young and he’s still got a fuck ton of shit to learn, geez”, to the having moments of “well what’s next? where should I go from here?”, then awkward bits about this dude trying to woo me to stay, as well as even throwing ideas about even following me, and asI am all about “I am not sure, but this is fucking hectic” and literally the next day after – having acquaintance die over night.
It’s borderline insanity, in a way. I wondered at a time, rather spoke to self that I would love to have a cool life, one which could be written out as a book, one that’s full of adventure, wonder and magnificence. Thus far – sort of adds up.
All about that chase of newness, but then it’s also about something else… Completely else of being like – discovering self, or what the purpose of my life should be. What I want it to be.. Sheesh.
Whoah, the life does its magic and it is absolutely mesmerizing, enticing, unpredictable, looked forward to, experienced in the present, charming with all its beauties and flaws.. As it should. As it is.
Guess, maybe it’s time to just note down all the damn travels I’m going through and on. To be there to share the things that others have no clue come to happen at the same time as all the rest of the whirpool of things in life. Though but to share stories about people encountered, to have some record of them being here, existing, living, participating in a thing called life.
I guess that’s the moment when I file down my nails, get that strength to show the voulnerability and well… Happenstance is what we all come across as what we’re here for.
(the adding on)
With how the events pull up and go, with how we attribute the little nasty things from one to another and how we think about other things that may or may not impact the life…
I’ve francly have been eyeing same thing over and over again, as I assume my nervous system was fucking arounf with – the idea that all is for something. But then again – we’re the ones adding the meaning or removing such from events that take place or dare to not happen.
Thus far I’m sort of conflicted – what ifs plague mind like madness on the leevels of abandoned places. Does it matter or matter not?
From “do i really want love” to “do I really want to travel?” to endless plethora of unanswered bits that make me think something off… It’s absolutely annoying to be in this particular moment in life. When you’re at a crossroads of decision making and make self come to agreement with self upon the things that you believe in, what you seek for, sought for or how exactly you’ve thought it through for…
When this comes along I tend to run. Run like there’s no tomorrow, like life is catching up to me, not like it actually is made by me, which is absolutely ridiculous at times..
Like, I understand that I am the one choosing and making things happen, just guess my level of being able to marrily manage whole lot of chaos is trifling small by now. From wish to commit arson to just drown in a fucking lake. God is this fucking aaaaa…
ArcDreamer 
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