Pulled out today my old arse diary from the depths of old countryside house. Yeah, impressed my ma was keeping some old shit about in there.
So, diary – not the kind you have to write your thoughts in, but the kind where you go to school with, that has your marks for subjects and all that. So, that’s Year 9 in school kind of diary.
And I was looking through it.
Not that impressed or disheartened with my grades at all, but what got me kind of stunned with self – was the remark on the very back of the diary.
It went like:
“11.05 (aka 11 May ) – coincidentally, today is 11 May
Last words in this diary
Well, I finished studies in my school, finished year 9, and I sense that I have to admit to few things:
– I don’t like chemistry (never have liked it)
– I don’t like sports (and there’s a reason for that)
– Not respectfully feeling towards biology and anatomy ( just don’t like it)
And the very last thing – today is June 22, 2008 and I’m half dead like a mammoth
I’m an otaku! I’m bisexual (I think so), I’m perverted and non-formal. And I don’t give a single flying rats ass about others! My opinion of myself does not fail me and that’s the most important thing!”
Few things that came back – I did hate them chem and sports lessons. Coz that year – I had issues with teachers and I had no wish to keep going, as I was too depressed.
And I was new to my sexuality, which was complicated and it was hard to figure shit out, as I had a crush on my BFF girlie. And all of that at the age of 15. Talk about them hard years of teenager with different sexuality when all around are the conservative older boomers with post soviet brains.
Yeah, I came out to dad when I was like 17, but like, to mother – after turning 23. Coz she’s less open minded about it, as well as she still denies that years later and even now (yeah, I’m 29). She says not to scare her. ¬_¬” Like, woman, that’s ME and how I am. If you can’t manage that – well, ‘scuse me, but it’s ME there none the less.