Twisted obsessions – when you wish to know every detail…
From how this person starts day off to how this person finishes it. Does she brush her teeth before she washes her face or after? How she seats on the toilet? How she wipes her hands with towel? What kind of towel she prefers? Does she dress up fast? Does she select what she’ll wear before hand in the evening, or she gets all in the morning? Does she drink morning tea or coffee? Does she feel odd when in morning rush hour traffic or she’ll pick up taxi? Has she thought about sweets in midday when she’s tired? Will she have a proper lunch or just a bite? Is she happy? Really-really genuinely happy? Does she ever lie? Would she lie?
And then head goes empty… like shell which lost all that was inside. Just buzzing left. Such buzzing that makes your shell-head feel heavy.
Does it mean that there’s guilt for my thoughts?
Am I wrong to wish to know it all? Pathetic?… Maybe.
Somehow it always ends with their faces in slight disgust, hiding that bad taste by pulling smiles at me. But I know that you did your evaluation. Looking and thinking “Don’t touch. It’s tainted.” – being aware and trying to be distant.
Sullied by life… but they just don’t get it. Doing best at sincere smiling, when it has been torn inside.. to shreds. With few there.. not giving up on me, putting this mess back together with love, care, reason and logic.
Letting me believe in hope for life becoming better.