I was always the stray cat living by it’s own rules I made up, breathing in the pain and happiness when life gave me chances. I could never be referred to as a nice person. I might seem like one, but I am a devil who’s seeking lost souls like me to make them mine and use them up. I know, I’ve heard it before, I can’t deny… Indeed… I’m monster.
My heart aching and I am again surrounded by my misery. Yet to add, I started to enjoy it’s company and I do find it quite soothing at times. But, there are always tons of “BUT”, when the hell they’ll end?
I assume I am lucky to have found this lost puppy, poor Erik. I do like him though, and I might seem quite a bright character comparing to him, but he is trying to keep up with this happiness of his, well, I might be doomed to say it even in my mind, but all I want is him to stay bound to me and keep on being this amazingly loyal puppy. The amount of things he knows nothing about, that makes him quite much innocently cute. I’m such a cold hearted bastard yet loving to play a nice man of help quite a lot. It does attract people and make them believe and trust you.They call it human nature as I believe.
Years ago I met this pup. We were 16 at the time, and I got sort of liking towards this boy. He got attached to me quite quick. I became, judging by his words, his “best friend”. I was interested to keep up the act, looking at this boy gave me a bit more of the feeling of superiority and strength. Although he had no idea of it. He was very naíve at the time. So I kept up my act and enjoyed the ride. But, when I got 19 I had an amazing opportunity. I could not possibly let go of it. It was big, “Grande” in all, but for making it there, I had to keep up with one rule – leave all the life of mine behind and forget. And oh, I did. It was some hard times, but through those I found so much more to everything. My job was quite like a hurricane – never knew what to expect. But that was also the beauty of it. I got to travel here and there, do things some people could sue me for and put me behind bars for hell of a long time, but hey, I am alive, devilishly smart and wise, not to mention my good looks. Yes, I am indeed one hypocritical narcissist, but, I am philanthropist. Somehow I still keep a bit of that mushy sweet something that at times doesn’t let me screw more than needed.
Now I am here, in demn sad albion called London, looking at the night lights of city and enjoying the view. I am 22 years of age, and I am just one hell of a bustard. Perhaps something just now snapt a bit, that’s why I found information on Erik and… I am calling him. Somehow I miss this loyal pup of mine. I know he misses me too and shall forgive me whatever comes there.
“Ring – ring – ring . . .” – goes inside the phone, and I am beginning to think what shall I say… Then he picks up the phone. Alas.
I talked to him, I asked him things, but mainly I kept my optimistic and happy voice to make him not fear, to remember that I am close, to still keep thinking I am very close to him.
I got him to agree to come out 4 days after I called. To our favourite bar, called Bar Solo, in Camden Town. Well, as always on my way there I had to go through central London, from Waterloo to China Town, where I wondered a bit, then walked slowly and observed people in Covent Garden. It also was quite strange weather, as it weren’t raining, but just the feeling as it might soon do, sky was sad and grey as tonn of grey of clouds were above and wouldn’t go.
The air I breathe in is full of smoke, full of bitter souls that also suffer, filled with bright emotions of the others who try to cope and go and live, filled with chill of morning air, the left overs from fog that covered city in the early 6am.
I was remembering every bit and inch of things I went through in here. This amazing and yet painful memories, that give me smile, but yet make me flinch from the amount of… things I would love to keep locked up and never to be out again.
I am quite lazy today I guess. As I walk the route of 31th bus, I am struck, deeply by a girl, young woman, to be precise. She is just like shadow, but somehow seems to be out of this world and like a flick of time she is standing there, by the bus stop. Her eyes quite dead, but as I didn’t mean to do, I do eventually catch myself staring at her. Mesmerized. And in that spare moment she looks at me and the gaze she gives is so much different and seems like she is killing me within, as if she knows every single thing and harm I had done upon different individuals. I look down, as I can’t keep looking in those eyes, and moment I look up again, she’s vanished.
It was just 40 minutes before Erik comes, so I ordered few drinks for myself, as I was observing people inside and at the same time typing up some random bits into my laptop. I still had to do some work. And that meant I am in need of just getting over it so I could be fully free from the annoying people from, oh, head office of the place I work for as a journalist.
– Hi, I see your as busy as ever, but still have habit of drinking some crap as you’re at it.
Eriks voice kicked me back to the real world.
– Oh, hey, what time is it? – i spoke out, as if just woke up from daydream.
– It is already ten past one day time. – Erik answered
I just nod:
– I think that my work got me, sorry. Would you like a drink too?
– Sure. What would be your best suggestion?
– The usual awkward double rum on rocks. Would you agree?
– Sure as hell I will.
I got my laptop in my bag, then went to bartender and got 2 rum on rocks for us, then as I walked back to our table, I just noticed how happy and awkward Erik was. He sure looked puzzled.
– Tell me how is everything? Did you get the work you wanted? – I asked as I putted glasses down.
– Oh, well… I’d say I was aiming too high, so I am now just going to what I can achieve, quite sad. And I am still studying, so I am not as free as might seem. Uni is doing it’s toke on me. And I got a bit of a silly work right now at Waterstones putting books to shelves and coping with bits and bobs. What about you?
– Well, I am working as journalist right now. So, it is just a lot of reviews and tonn of random people I talk to and they talk back at times and even in a rude sort of way, but I think most of us went through it. But at last as I came back to London I am just here for some time for your disposal. So I would rather suggest you to use opportunity, as it might not last for as long as you might wish for it to.
Silence. Erik would not say a word, I was not willing to break the sweet silence between us. Reminded me of moments just like before. The buzz of the bar was getting quite hectic and voices collided in one.
– Adrian, I do still feel the same. I do still love you.
Eriks words broke whole painting of universe in dreamy quiet space with limitless possibilities to reply, but that would not be me if I would call out to say…
– Erik, you know my point about it, you know how deep it gets. – I fall in seconds weakness, but then again… – Let’s go to my place.
As we were going to my with Erik by my side, following the paths to pitch black burning hell that I created on my own, he was just there. I got back to everything in the moment then I could hear “Ludovico Einaudi – Life” and I saw that girl again, who is giving me that look, and as she sees what I have done I don’t feel judgement from her. Then crowd passing by and she’s not there anymore.
We get to the front of the massive house with lots of flats in it. And as I open doors and we get in, as we take lift and go to highest floor, we get to my apartment door, it’s number 34. I open door with rusty key, as my apartment is old, but free. We enter and I shut the door. We’re here, nor yet, nor anymore, but standing facing one another, like nothing ever happened, like we didn’t break the hell between us.
The lust came back out and… I touched his face, he stopped my hand, i pulled in closer : “Sorry, friend”, I kissed him sweetly, holding dearly, I couldn’t stop, nor he could too.
We went all the way with you, my dear so loyal boy, oh you… Poor Erik, but yet so lucky to have me fucking you.
Your moans break silence, make air tremble, we are so close, like been before, but you know how long ago it was last time it happened. We were like this, just crazy having sex all day, and we enjoyed it up until the moment when clock struck 11 evening. And so we had to get back to real world, for a bit.
Before continuing this tremendous habit.